I apologize ahead of time for the left-field-ness of this post…
The unexplainable feeling that evolves in seasons. I tried to explain this to my mother in the Oregon snow when I was nine and that was the last time I have ever spoken of it… until now. “It’s a feeling within a feeling.” Every moment builds into something that is ultimately undefinable but that is the beauty of it all: There are no words for it, it can only be felt.
As I am consciously looking back into my scrapbook of life, I get overwhelmed by the euphoria that surrounds each section. Of course there are the memories and basic generic feelings that everyone always gets this subject confused with (happy, sad). But what goes beyond that? If I truly allow myself to process these moments… if I dig really deep… I get a taste of something sweet. Through the good memories and the bad ones as well. Like I said, it goes beyond the surface.
Imagine if just for a split second, you saw a new color that you had never seen before… but only for a split second. Not even a whole second. You wouldn’t be able to describe it because your brain doesn’t contain the vocabulary. Would you even try to describe it to your friends? Even if you tried, you still wouldn’t be able to do it justice because they have never seen it. I am not saying that I feel something that everyone in the world has never experienced before. I just don’t know how to put the true true aura of life into words, and that is OK.
“You’re watching everything you ever held onto slip away from you
And all your running from, well it’s catching up to you
Your looking for a lifeline, swimming in the high tide
Wating for the day light to bring you home
The world is to big to never ask why
The answers don’t fall straight out of the sky
I am fighting to live and feel alive
But I can’t feel a thing without you by my side…”